I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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