I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
