I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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