so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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