Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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