i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
