Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
