if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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