Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
