Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
