You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
