our cab driver is having phone sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
