you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
