trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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