My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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