This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize