and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
