Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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