His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
