Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
