Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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