Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
