in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
