she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
