just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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