I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
