Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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