By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
