if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
as a side note pls kill me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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