just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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