last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
