Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
