You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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