I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
