Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
