You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
