She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
