Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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