Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
