took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
