Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
