I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
