I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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