turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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