She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
