I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we're so committed to being not committed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
