all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
