so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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