Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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