Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
