you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
