it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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