i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
