I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
