My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
