We won't sleep together?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
