So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize