Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
