these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
