dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
