All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize