She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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