Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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