I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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