It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can't just leave with hair like that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
