They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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