pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
