just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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