I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's the barista slut.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
