I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
