Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize