if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I could fuck to npr.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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