I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
