He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
