I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
