pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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