i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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