Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
