At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
