Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
