she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
