if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
