I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize