Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
