why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
