he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
