Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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