I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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