we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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