I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
