Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's never too late to be topless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
