I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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