you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
