i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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