did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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