What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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