a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
