24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
