I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
