Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
