I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
