She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
