I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
