No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
