I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
