I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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