I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
