I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Couch. On fire.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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