And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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