I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
