keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The power of my boobs compel you
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
