Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
