they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
