batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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