he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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