guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
