have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
